After three weeks it finally happened - I had my first rough day at work. Ok - not my first rough day ever, but since I've been back. It's interesting how perspective changes after losing a child, you realize normal everyday "problems" shouldn't really feel like problems at all. Yet today I found myself getting frustrated, wondering why I felt like I was the only person fixing issues and dealing with cranky clients. In the grand scheme of things, these "problems' are not really THAT big of a deal. We make them into big deals though, don't we?
I'd like to tell you that I live in a new world where I never complain and thank God for my blessings every single day. I'd like to tell you that after suffering through loss like this that I appreciate the little things at any given moment. I'd like to tell you that small things don't shake me anymore.
But I don't. And they still do.
Being back at work allows my brain a break from the grief, but work has it's own stresses. After a stressful day at work I get to come home and pick up where I left off grieving. I came home today to do just that, but I turned on the news and that all changed. I've suffered an unimaginable loss - but I still need to put things into perspective too. It could be worse.
It can always be worse.
I had a bad day today and my daughter died 3 months ago, but today, today there are others suffering too. I read a story today of a young father who not only lost his wife shortly after childbirth, but he also lost his premature son at 4 days old. Today I read about a local baby that passed away in the NICU right next to a sweet friend's son - that baby was 20 days old. This week people are burying spouses, siblings and friends.
There are people wondering where they are going to go to escape the harsh bitter night, mothers wondering how they are going to feed their children, people being persecuted and dying because others don't believe in the same things they do. There are families who have never drank clean water, and parents who live in other countries to work and provide for families they see once every two years.
People are suffering.
And I had a bad day.
Let's be honest - most of my days still stink, but I have a good-paying job that welcomed me back with open arms. I have a car that runs and is paid off. I have a warm home and clothes on my back. I have food that is going bad in my refrigerator because I decided I'd rather eat out than eat leftovers.
I had a bad day today so I'm drinking a glass of wine, flipping through Facebook and I'll probably complain to my husband when he gets home. I might start a fire or take a warm bath to relieve my stress. When I'm done, I'll snuggle up with my dogs until it's time to climb into my warm bed and drift off to a peaceful sleep - a sleep that won't be interrupted by a grumbling stomach, bullets flying overhead or dropping temperatures.
Don't get me wrong - I'm not making light of my problems or yours. We've all been given our burdens and crosses to bear in this lifetime. If you're having a bad day like I am, you're entitled to your feelings and shouldn't feel bad or guilty for them. Maybe, just maybe (if you're anything like me), you need a little perspective.
Tonight - if you're inclined - just stop for a moment....and pray. Say a prayer for all those that are hurting or are suffering great loss. Pray for the sick, the needy, the hungry and the persecuted. Remember others who are living lives that we can't even imagine -lives that don't include the beauty and joy that we have taken for granted. After you've prayed for those people - don't forget to give thanks for what you do have. Give thanks for this day that you've been blessed with - and join me in trying again tomorrow.